Understanding the World Through Setbacks and Surprises
Insights you'll find in this article...
- How sudden disruptions can challenge long-held assumptions
- Why trying to control every outcome might be holding you back
- The hidden lessons behind life's unexpected curveballs
- The uncomfortable yet valuable process of rethinking our beliefs
Discover Your Leadership Kryptonite! 🧨 Uncover not just what's holding you back, but also the antidote to propel your leadership forward. Click to take the What's Your Leadership Kryptonite quiz and reveal your path to confident leadership!
I Want the Antidote too!The Blind Spots in Our Best-Laid Plans
We rarely see the curve balls coming until they’re right in front of us, throwing everything off course. A project collapses, a sudden company shift changes the game, or an entire department gets outsourced overnight. In those moments, it’s natural to feel frustrated or disoriented.
We automatically label these experiences as "random" or "unpredictable." But upon further thought, it strikes me that these moments are more than random…they’re revealing. They expose gaps in our thinking and assumptions.
For a long time, I viewed the unexpected (aka setbacks, surprises) as something to be avoided or controlled. If a plan fell apart or if someone didn’t react the way I anticipated, I saw it as a failure on my part to manage the situation. I needed to be better at anticipating outcomes, right? Eventually, I had backup plans for my backup plans - like 5 deep. I was a ‘fixer’ for myself…and everyone around me.
But the more I tried to prepare for every eventuality, the more I realized that surprises weren't the problem. My theory of the world—the one that told me I could anticipate everything if I was just prepared enough—was.
The real issue was that I misunderstood the nature of control. I believed if I worked hard enough, I could steer every situation. But the unexpected isn't chaos; it's feedback. It’s a sign that our view of the world is incomplete. Think about it: If we had a perfect understanding of every variable, every decision, and every person, would we ever truly be surprised?
Observations have led me to the idea that the unexpected moment is a reflection of a misunderstood theory of the world.
It’s unsettling to sit with that thought. It’s one thing to believe we’ve got things under control; it’s another to face the idea that we never truly do. As much as we plan, prepare, and strategize, there will always be gaps in our understanding. And when those gaps are exposed, we can either cling to the illusion of control or start questioning the foundation of our assumptions. The second option sounds more appealing on the surface, but in practice, it’s difficult and uncomfortable.
I’ve found myself reflecting on this more often lately. The instinct to “fix” things is still strong, but I’m also more aware of the impulse. It’s not as easy as saying, “Now I embrace the unexpected.” I wish it were that simple. In reality, each surprise still stings. And sometimes, I don’t really feel like learning a lesson—because I’m still human, and I still want things to go according to plan.
And yet, maybe that’s the point. The unexpected moment isn’t asking us to fix it or outsmart it. It’s asking us to pay attention. To pause. To rethink the stories we’ve been telling ourselves about control, certainty, and what it means to be "ready." The truth is, we’ll never fully be prepared for every curveball life throws our way—and maybe that’s exactly how we grow. Not by staying ahead of the unexpected, but by letting it teach us what we didn’t know we needed to learn.
Overwhelmed with setbacks and surprises on your leadership journey? Client Kathryn McClatchy shares her perspective:
"My problem was that I was more than a little bit overwhelmed...my own company staff, projects, marketing, taxes, all the things. Stacy got to the root of the problem quickly and efficiently. She helped me prioritize the tasks that needed to be done and in many cases offered not only solutions and sources, but mindset shifts. So I could think about managing all the moving parts with a lot more grace."
Lead with Resilience and Curiosity
Surprises and setbacks are inevitable in leadership, but they don’t have to derail you. Instead, they can be valuable opportunities for reflection and growth. When faced with disruption, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed or stuck. But these challenges are part of the journey—and you don’t have to navigate them alone.
For leaders ready to embrace uncertainty with resilience and curiosity, I offer an Explore Coaching call. We’ll focus on a personalized conversation that aligns with your unique leadership challenges and aspirations—no cookie-cutter solutions here.
During our call, we'll:
- Address your toughest setbacks and surprises
- Explore how coaching can help turn these moments into opportunities for growth
- Create a plan that best supports your leadership development
This is an opportunity to gain clarity, shift your perspective, and see if coaching is the right next step for you. Click here to schedule your Explore Coaching call.
True leadership thrives when we learn to embrace the unexpected and use it to unlock our potential. Let’s work together to uncover the leader you’re meant to become.
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