Saying Yes is a Short Cutā€¦But Not the One You Think
Insights you'll find in this article...
- How common habits can subtly impact your career and personal life
- The surprising effects of everyday choices on long-term success
- The dynamics of balancing personal needs with professional responsibilities
Check out the results from Kim Radcliffe, SVP of Clinical & Product Development:
"I was always seeking approval from other people. Stacy helped me to move from thinking that I am good enough and have confidence to actually feeling it and believing it. I'm able to use the tools she gave me in many facets of my life, including with my teenage daughter."
In the early stages of my career, I developed a chronic ‘yes’ problem, and the net effect of that problem was that I found myself in a lie. Stick with me—this isn't just another lecture on saying yes. We're going deeper.
Saying ‘Yes’ felt like the right thing to do—it meant being helpful, kind, and, frankly, being needed. But this pattern was not as selfless as it seemed. And there were repercussions.
I was the go-to, but really, I skimmed the surface. The people I led needed deep dives, not nods. They depended on me to help boost their careers and earnings. Instead, they got pep talks. Every vague yes wasted our time—precious and irreplaceable.
Something that’s crossed my mind is that saying yes is a shortcut that rarely serves us well.
It's the easy path often disguised as obligation—“that’s just who I am” or “that’s how I was raised.”
“Yes” is a selfish activity that brands itself as a selfless activity, but really just dodges the responsibility of saying “no.”
"Say yes," society insists, equating perpetual agreement with commitment, constant availability with reliability. We celebrate busyness, mistaking productivity for worth.
The result?
We're stretched too thin—overbooked meetings, endless committees, an inbox full of obligations we should have declined.
At work, this shows up as employees buried under extra projects and leaders hoarding tasks that should be delegated. Nights spent replying to every email, days filled with unnecessary meetings—all to maintain an illusion of indispensability.
I once had a director who regularly messaged me past midnight to showcase his dedication.
This mindset doesn't stop at the office door. It follows us home. It's the parent always volunteering for school events, despite a full calendar. It's the friend who can't say no, even when they need rest.
Beneath this relentless yes is a silent, destructive belief: we must continually prove our worth through action and acquiescence. Chasing this validation sacrifices our health, creativity, and focus, making us prioritize everyone’s happiness over our own. Here, things start to unravel.
Yes is often a lie.
It’s a lie because it means "I don’t want to face the discomfort of saying no."
It’s a lie because it means "I want that instant gratification—a fleeting gold star boosting my likeability.”
But these impulsive yeses push aside our needs, overwhelm us, and fray our edges.
Saying yes, we end up failing everyone, especially ourselves.
Worse yet, saying yes stunts others' growth. Us being the constant fixers, others miss developing critical problem-solving skills and taking charge of their outcomes.
A well-placed no is invaluable.
It frees us to focus on what truly matters and enables others to step up. Constant yes is a trap—a treadmill of burnout we can choose to escape.
Choosing to say no carves out space for genuine, impactful work and relationships. Recognizing yes as a shortcut opens the door to a more deliberate, fulfilling life.
The discomfort of no will serve you much better.
By the way, if you feel stuck saying yes more than you'd like, check in with your brain. Uncover your true thoughts with a private, 10-minute daily routine. Download the Remarkable Resilience Routine designed to boost your resilience as a leader. This routine is a quick daily exercise for building a resilient mindset and understanding what your brain is offering you. By integrating this practice into your daily routine, you'll develop the resilience you need to excel in your leadership role.
I Want Remarkable Resilience!The Psychology Behind Saying Yes
Why do we say yes so often? Many of us grew up equating yes with being kind and helpful. We were praised for accommodating others. Society backs this up, confusing busyness with productivity and worth.
For leaders, saying no can feel especially daunting. Here are some common fears you might face:
- Fear of Disapproval: You worry about disappointing colleagues, superiors, or team members.
- Fear of Missed Opportunities: You fear losing out on career advancements or high-visibility projects.
- Fear of Being Perceived as Uncooperative: You might think saying no will make you seem difficult to work with or not a team player.
- Fear of Damaging Relationships: You worry that saying no will strain professional relationships.
- Fear of Reduced Influence: You fear losing your influence or authority within the organization.
- Fear of Guilt: You feel guilty about not helping others or meeting expectations.
- Fear of Job Security: You worry that refusing tasks could put your job at risk.
- Fear of Missing Out: You fear being excluded from important discussions or decisions.
- Fear of Judgment: You worry about being judged negatively by peers and superiors.
- Fear of Being Seen as Incompetent: You fear that saying no will make you appear unable to handle their workload.
These fears are real and powerful. But understanding them is the first step to overcoming them.
The Benefits of Setting Boundaries
Setting boundaries can change everything. It helps you reclaim your time and focus on what truly matters. When you set boundaries, you’re making a clear statement about your values and priorities.
By saying no to non-essential tasks, you’ll find better focus and productivity. This leads to better outcomes and a greater sense of accomplishment. Your mental health will improve as you avoid burnout and stress, ensuring you have time for rest and self-care.
Clear boundaries also foster healthier relationships, leading to more respect and understanding. Saying no boosts your self-worth and confidence, showing you value your time and priorities.
With increased focus and productivity, you can direct your energy toward high-priority goals and projects. Protecting your time for rest and self-care helps you avoid burnout and stress.
Clear communication of your needs and limits leads to healthier, more respectful relationships. By valuing your time and priorities, saying no boosts your confidence and self-worth.
Practical Tips for Setting Boundaries
Ready to start setting boundaries? Here’s how:
1. Know Your Priorities: Identify what’s most important to you. Let these guide your decisions. For instance, prioritize key projects that align with your career goals over minor tasks that others can handle. Focus on personal commitments, like family time or self-care activities, over additional work meetings.
2. Practice Saying No: Start small. Use clear language and avoid over-explaining or apologizing. For example, say, "I can’t take on this project right now," instead of, "I’m really sorry, but I have too much on my plate and I don’t think I can handle this right now." Another approach could be, "Thanks for thinking of me, but I’ll have to pass this time," instead of giving a lengthy explanation.
3. Set Clear Limits: Define what you’re willing to do. Communicate these limits clearly. For instance, establish that you won’t answer work emails after 7 PM or take on more than two major projects at a time. Make it clear to colleagues that you can attend one extra meeting per week, not three.
4. Use Positive Language: Frame your no positively if you feel you need to. For example, say, "I need to focus on my current tasks to ensure they're done well," instead of, "I can’t help with this project." Another example could be, "I’d love to help with future projects once I complete my current commitments," rather than simply declining.
Regularly review your commitments. Are they still serving you? Adjust as needed to ensure they align with your evolving priorities and goals. Reflect on your workload and make changes if you notice signs of stress or imbalance.
Understanding why we say yes, setting boundaries, and using these tips can help you lead more effectively. You’ll make decisions that support your growth and lead a more balanced, fulfilling life.
Beyond the 'Yes' Mentality with Expert Coaching
Saying no and setting boundaries are essential skills for effective leadership. It's not refusing responsibilities but making choices that align with your true priorities and values. Personalized coaching can help you master these skills, ensuring you make decisions that foster growth and balance.
Are you ready to elevate your leadership skills, make more impactful decisions, and reach new heights in your career? I invite you to join me for an exclusive Explore Coaching call. In our time together, we’ll explore the challenges you face and identify the opportunities that lie ahead in your role.
On our Explore Coaching call, we'll determine where personalized coaching can support you in overcoming your current challenges. This session is your chance to explore how coaching can help you break free from the 'yes' trap, establish healthy boundaries, and focus on what truly matters.
To book your Explore Coaching call, just click here to choose a time that works for you. Take this step to lead not only effectively but with authentic influence and inspiration.
Remember, effective leadership requires continuous growth and intentional action. With the right support, you can lead with both strength and authenticity. This is where you shape a thriving team, foster a positive culture, and build a lasting legacy.
Here’s to your leadership journey, where you embrace challenges and inspire others with undeniable confidence and wisdom.
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