The Role of Emotions in Leadership
Insights you'll find in this article...
- Beyond Traditional Leadership: What we've been told about how to be a great leader might not be the full story.
- Emotional Resilience: Understand the critical role of emotional resilience in connecting with yourself and navigating challenges.
- Transforming Norms: Discover how emotional resilience can challenge and change traditional leadership practices for the better.
- Leadership Growth: See how focusing on emotional resilience can lead to a more authentic leadership style and personal development.
What's the Leadership Story You've Been Told?
Stepping into the world of leadership, I carried a set of beliefs that many others probably did. I thought leadership was about having all the answers, making the big decisions, and, of course, being at the top of the game. It was a picture painted by years of observing leaders who seemed to navigate their roles with unwavering confidence and an endless supply of solutions.
That was a great recipe for imposter syndrome.
Because as I waded deeper into the waters of leadership, reality painted a different picture. The belief that leadership equated to a flawless execution of tasks, a stoic demeanor, and “getting people to do things”, began to unravel. It became clear that real leadership wasn't just acquiring accolades or your position on the organizational chart. There was something more, something crucial that was missing from this traditional equation.
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I Want More Leadership Resilience!Traditional Leadership vs Successful Leadership
In the traditional view of leadership, there's a pretty clear picture: a great leader is someone with a sharp mind, a wealth of technical know-how, and a top spot on the organizational chart. This image is deeply ingrained in the corporate world, where the measure of a leader often comes down to the number of hours they put in, their expertise in their field, and their ability to climb the corporate ladder. It's a straightforward formula that's been around for ages: the higher your intelligence and the more impressive your job title, the more effective you're presumed to be as a leader.
On the ground, this translates to a focus on hard skills and tangible achievements. Leaders are expected to make quick, decisive calls, have all the answers, and steer the ship with a firm hand. It's a model that values certainty and control, where showing vulnerability or uncertainty can be seen as a sign of weakness. In meetings, the person with the most data or the boldest strategy often takes the lead, and success is measured in results and milestones reached.
Who Controls the Leadership Checklist?
That means, when it comes to growing into a leader, there's a well-trodden path that many follow. Doing whatever it takes to beef up your technical skills, maybe getting some fancy letters after your name with an advanced degree, and then playing the corporate ladder game like a pro.
The idea is pretty simple: the harder you work, the more you know, and the higher you climb, the better leader you are.
It's a formula that's been around for ages, and you can see it in action pretty much everywhere in the corporate world. But does it work?
I've been there, ticking off every box on the traditional leadership checklist. I collected industry designations like they were going out of style, ending up with more letters after my name than in it. I even sat for and passed the Certified Financial Planner exam to add another badge of honor to my professional identity. At every performance review, I was all about winning every gold star on offer, proving I was on the right track.
But this quest made me question the paradigm. Is leadership really a matter of stacking the accolades or how high you can climb? Sure, decisiveness, strategic thinking, and assertiveness are part of the mix, but maybe they're not the whole story. These traits, often framed within a traditional, somewhat masculine paradigm, paint a picture of leadership that's a bit one-dimensional.
This isn't to knock these qualities. Being able to make a call under pressure, strategize, and assert yourself can be super valuable. But I wonder if sticking only to this script might mean missing out on a whole bunch of other skills and perspectives that can make a leader truly stand out and be effective. It's like having a toolbox but only using the hammer; it gets the job done sometimes, but it's not always the right tool for the job.
The True North of Leadership
Because I used to struggle, and I have clients who struggle with this, I’ve been thinking about something that’s turned my whole view of leadership on its head: What if true leadership isn’t how high your IQ is, or your spot on the org chart, or how many ‘stretch’ projects you do on the side, or how many hours you spend on that work laptop. What if the highest leadership skill is emotional resilience?
Emotional resilience is a deeply human trait that we all possess to some degree. It taps into our natural ability to empathize, connect, and understand ourselves and those around us. The amazing thing about it…This isn't something leaders need to conjure up from nowhere or add to their repertoire like a new certification.
Instead, we can peel back layers to reveal the empathetic, intuitive, emotional leader already within.
With it, we can embrace our emotional experiences, learn from them, and let that knowledge guide our empathetic, genuine leadership. It's the courage to be real with ourselves and our teams, especially when challenges arise.
Those emotions are going on inside anyway, right? Why hide?
So emotional resilience is less about acquiring something new and more about rediscovering and honing what's inherently ours. It intuitively recognizes that the capacity for deep emotional connection and understanding isn't a bonus—it's the bedrock of impactful leadership.
Think about it. Leading a team involves forming genuine connections, actively listening to your team members, and fostering an environment of trust. In order to do that, you need that emotional resilience for yourself first. That's where emotional resilience shines.
It's the secret sauce to leading in a way that's genuine, brings people together, and adapts to whatever curveball comes your way.
That makes emotional resilience not just a nice to have; it’s a must-have.
Something that might echo your own experience in this candid recount from Jeanette Stein, a former product director turned entrepreneur, as she navigated the challenges of workplace culture:
"I noticed I was bringing home that discontent and frustration from lack of opportunity to move up. Stacy's coaching helped me to realize that I don't have to play by everyone else's rules. It allowed me to take control back. Looking outside the box to make things happen has been the most powerful piece."
When did we all agree to check our feelings at the door before stepping into the office?
That got me thinking…How did we get to prioritizing a stoic, emotionless approach to leadership - equating emotional expression with weakness or instability?
Perhaps it took root in historical management theories and industrial era practices, where efficiency and standardization were in their infancy. This approach was assisted by early 20th-century management principles that emphasized hierarchy, control, and clear divisions of labor.
Over time, as organizations and work have evolved, this directive style has persisted in many (if not most) places, influenced by enduring beliefs in top-down leadership and the effectiveness of clear, authoritative instructions in achieving quick results.
It's like there's this unspoken rule in the corporate playbook today that says emotions and leadership don't mix.
But honestly, now, that just doesn't sit right. We're not robots; we're people, messy and full of feelings that don't just switch off during business hours. Feelings that make us human. Feelings that can even be useful.
But this outdated belief overlooks the richness and depth that emotions bring to our professional lives.
I believe we’ve missed the boat on how powerful and essential our emotions really are.
Emotions aren’t simply background noise; they're the heartbeat of our existence. Every action we take is a result of an emotion we feel: hunger, love, hate, despair, joy, fear, inspiration, anxiety, all the emotions! They guide us, fueling our connections, and sparking our creativity.
It’s why some team members get along and some gel well. It’s the drive you have to reach higher heights. It’s why I called my friend, Tamara, and said, “You’re so dynamic, you have to work on my team!”
So, what if we flipped the script? What if showing up as our whole, emotional selves at work isn't a weakness but our biggest strength? Imagine leading with a heart wide open, ready to ride the waves of challenges with empathy, and lighting up the room with genuine passion and care.
It's time we bring emotions back into the leadership equation, not as a 'nice-to-have' but as the secret sauce that makes us truly great leaders. Ultimately, embracing your messy, emotional self is when everything starts to click into place.
The New Leadership Currency
Mastering emotions turns the whole idea of leadership on its head. Leaders can’t simply hit targets or tick boxes. They’ve got to tune into their own feelings and other people's feelings, and make empathy a key part of how their teams evolve and thrive together.
A leader skilled in emotional resilience navigates the workplace with a keen sense of self-awareness. In team meetings, she addresses challenges not just with logic and data but with an understanding of the team's emotions and stressors. Her feedback, even when critical, is delivered in a way that motivates rather than discourages, fostering a culture of growth and resilience.
Mastering emotions in leadership dismantles the outdated notion that emotional detachment equals strength.
Emotional resilience champions the idea that understanding and expressing emotions can coexist with making tough decisions. This balance encourages a leadership style rich in collaboration, resilience, and genuine connection, inviting a diversity of voices and perspectives to the table.
In my opinion, emotional resilience stands as a critical element of leadership.
Challenges to Developing Emotional Resilience as a Leader
Navigating the journey of emotional resilience comes with its fair share of hurdles. It's not all smooth sailing, and that's okay. In fact, it's in facing these challenges head-on that we often find our greatest growth.
Let me share a bit of my own story here. There was a time when the very thought of showing vulnerability as a leader felt like opening the door to failure, to judgment, to never getting another promotion. I was afraid that this great, amazing, scary, important thing I was in called leadership would mean failure for me. There were so many ways to fail, I thought. I had definitely bought in to the fake-it-til-you-make-it concept.
In leadership meetings…TBH, in any interaction…I often felt like a spy infiltrating a high-society gala, outwardly blending in with confident nods and strategic contributions, yet inwardly grappling with so many hidden emotions - 98% which were negative. Each conversation felt like walking a tightrope, where saying too much might reveal my true self, leaving me exposed in a room of polished professionals. The real leaders.
I now wonder if they were feeling the same.
Think about the moments when you've felt most challenged in your leadership journey. Maybe it was a time when you had to admit you didn't have all the answers or when you chose to lead with compassion over authority in a tough situation. Reflecting on these experiences, we realize they serve as opportunities; they don’t have to be obstacles. Opportunities to lean into our emotional resilience, to connect more authentically with our teams, and to lead in a way that's true to ourselves.
Putting Emotional Resilience into Action
Developing emotional resilience is worthwhile for leaders who want to navigate the complexities of the modern workplace with grace and effectiveness.
What if a leader who, by choosing to openly share a personal challenge, breaks down barriers and deepens team cohesion. Or a manager who, by acknowledging their own uncertainty in a complex project, invites a level of collaboration and innovation previously unseen in their team.
That’s the kind of leadership I want.
Here are a few suggestions for how leaders can start this journey:
- Incorporate the Remarkable Resilience Routine: This is a concise 10-minute practice designed to help you navigate and understand the myriad thoughts your brain generates. The routine offers a clear, structured approach to reflect on your thoughts, the emotions those thoughts bring, discern their impact, and gain deeper self-awareness. By engaging with this practice, you'll unlock valuable insights into your thought patterns, empowering you to respond to challenges with greater clarity and resilience.
- Emotion Journaling: The foundation of emotional resilience lies in understanding oneself deeply. Leaders can engage in daily reflection practices, such as journaling about their emotional responses to various situations at work. This could involve noting down moments of frustration, joy, or stress and reflecting on the triggers and responses. Over time, these reflections can reveal patterns and offer insights into how emotions influence decision-making and interactions.
- Practice Empathy: Building empathy is crucial for leaders who want to connect with their teams on a deeper level. This can be practiced through active listening exercises where the focus is on truly hearing and understanding the perspective of others without immediately jumping to solutions or judgments. Psst! This can even be done from afar. For instance, you can choose to think: “I’m curious why that person would do that.” Curiosity is one of my favorite emotions to explore!
- Effective Communication Strategies: Mastering the art of communication is key to expressing emotions constructively and fostering an open, trust-based environment. Leaders can practice first understanding their own emotions, then framing their messages in a way that is clear, respectful, and empathetic. For instance, instead of giving direct orders, they might pose challenges as questions, inviting input and collaboration.
- Mindfulness and Emotional Regulation: Techniques such as mindfulness meditation or deep-breathing exercises can help leaders maintain their composure in high-stress situations. By incorporating these practices into their daily routine, leaders can improve their ability to remain calm and clear-headed, even when faced with challenges, ensuring that their emotional responses are understood and processed. The Mindful Leader Journal is one way to stay on track with quick mindfulness exercises daily.
By integrating these practices into your personal development plan, you can enhance your emotional resilience, leading to more authentic and effective leadership.
Emotional Resilience…Party of One?
If you're surrounded by a culture that equates leadership with relentless grind, emotionless decisions, and top-down commands, it can feel like you're swimming against the tide.
You might find resistance in the form of: ingrained habits, organizational culture undervaluing emotional resilience, organizational structures that limit emotional expression, lack of awareness or understanding of emotional resilience, or perceived vulnerability associated with emotional openness.
That’s OK. Let other people believe what they want to believe for now. And know that even the most entrenched beliefs can shift, one person at a time.
Here's how you can start making waves, even if it feels like you're doing it solo:
- Lead by Example: Show, don't just tell. Let your actions demonstrate the power and effectiveness of leading with emotional resilience. When others see the positive impact, they might start to reconsider their stance.
- Small Wins Matter: Focus on achieving small, visible successes through your approach. These wins can serve as tangible proof that there's merit to leading with empathy and emotional capability.
- Build Alliances: Find like-minded colleagues or even just one person who shares your perspective. Having an ally can make a world of difference, and together, you can start to influence the broader organizational culture.
- Educate and Share: Share the pieces of knowledge you’ve discovered (even this article) that highlight the benefits of emotional resilience in leadership. Sometimes, a fresh perspective can open minds.
Enjoy your table for one...there's something special about being the pioneer, the one who marches to the beat of their own drum. Embrace it! Enjoy your unique position and the freedom it gives you to experiment and innovate. Think of it as having the best seat in the house, where you get to watch and influence the culture evolve, thanks to your efforts. And who knows? Soon enough, you might just find that your table for one has become the hottest spot in town, with everyone wanting to join in.
Elevate Your Leadership and Your Emotional Resilience
As we wrap up this deep dive into emotional resilience in leadership, I'm reaching out to you. This expedition isn't only for reading; it's for engaging, reflecting, and perhaps shifting how we lead. Take a moment to think about your own path in leadership. Where has emotional resilience made a difference or been needed? How has it touched your connections with your team?
If you haven’t embraced your emotions yet, but you’d like to uplevel your emotional resilience, let’s kick off your own adventure to redefine your leadership with a one-on-one Explore Coaching session. Together, we'll peel back the layers to discover the core of your leadership style, spotlighting your strengths and pinpointing the challenges you're eager to overcome.
During our Explore Coaching call, we'll craft a customized plan that resonates with your unique leadership style and objectives. From mastering emotional resilience to enhancing team dynamics, our collaboration will equip you with the insights and tools you need to lead with impact and grace.
Ready to embark on this journey? Click here to find a time that works for you. This is your moment to redefine leadership on your terms, creating a space where both you and your team can thrive.
Here's to your next chapter as a leader who inspires with your humanity leading the way.
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